jaangarcia

10 months almost. of waiting. of being uncertain. of being idle. and on the day that it was suppose to be finish… i received a mesg from Him and He said… WAIT. How much longer? ohh… i take that back. im not suppose to question Him. All will be revealed in the right time. but its so hard. I should be confident because the Lord is with me. But im on the edge. All this waiting… perhaps He wants me to let go and trust Him all the way. bet thats what you would say. but easier said than done right? its not that easy… not at all…

ok how is my life? what am i upto? hmmm for my friends who care lol and who has the time to read my blogs hahaha… let me update you… i have filed my papers already in fact my petition to be an immigrant has been approved now and i also got my working permit now yipee! all that hardwork and yeah debts paid off… thank you Lord hahaha… so now im waiting for my social security number then i can start working. that will happen probably in mid sept or early october. hayy im nwo reviewing for my nclex exam. dont know yet when. i havent registered yet but i have received letters that im now eligible to take the exam…. im currently passign the time answering calls for my uncle… hmmm? and i hope to be a receiver of good news in the next days… i miss you beth! alma! hehe sam tagal tagal mo promise magreply… cj i hope to see you soon! bunny give me a call! christie i cant wait to chill with you in manhattan girl! hahaha… patty… i owe you bigtime! as in! ill give you a call one of these days…. mwah! patrick hows life treating you? lol tama bang mag hi sa mga people through the blog? well… malalaman ko kung cno nagbabasa ng blog ko hahaha… nicky! musta nclex???? alma di ka pa rereply sa msgs ko! and i owe you a testi! hahaha… and vice versa… and jem, jem, jem, havent heard from you in a long time… whats up with you?

i complain a lot… true but with reason.. for every action there is a reaction… i wouldnt complain unless may ginawa yung tao diba! im a considerate person… very much so… i hate having to burden someone… im not a martyr but i pick my fight… there are some fights na better to leave it alone and ignore the people… pero there are some na i can never shut up… i wish i was stronger. i wish i was able to resist. hay… i need to kepp myself busy. should i run? im thinking of that. but im such a lazy wuss. haha… iniisip ko papayat din ako when i start work. im a very sensitive person din, too sensitive in fact. but thats what makes me a considerate person with a sense of empathy. for every strength there is a flaw diba? 

a guy once said… is it to give up love when your love for yourself overtakes the love for that special someone? can you blame that person? i mean thinking about it… wouldnt you leave that love for someone if its gonna make you a person you dont want to be?

my songs… hahaha.. siyempre only one person can relate…

all my life or one last cry? mwah!!!!

been talking to a friend. and she described my life as of this moment… i am at the bottom of the circle of life… and she said everything might be against me right now but to be at the bottom means i have something to look forward to… as they have said its a circle… and everybody has its ups and downs… not for long… not for long… I have so much to look forward to… new beginnings.

"according to your faith it will be done"

i had an interview yesterday at metropolitan hospital in new york. i wore my cousin’s clothes since i dont have much clothes here sa us. most of my clothes are in pinas pa and when i get my papers processed that is when i will have my clothes sent here. anyway, the lady who interviewed me was an african american lady and she was rather much formal compared to the other interviewer who were interviewing the other nurses i was with. but it was all good. she asked me my general background as a nurse and asked me the 5 Rs of giving medications that was pretty easy. also, she pronounced my name as JAY-NIE… and i corrected her by saying its JA-NY like johnny. and she said well new job, new beginning, new name… well i wish it was that easy… how i wish i could just go back to the beginning and start again. then i ask myself where is the beginning? beginning of what? yeah everything was a lot simpler before. but whats the use of dwelling on that? doesnt that emphasize only how complicated things are now? and that only make things harder….

you know whats so hard about it? the hardest thing about it is knowing that your partner is able to enjoy life without you. twisted. he should be able to. but thats the hard thing about it. your torn apart with two things… 1st you want that person to have a life, like you want to have your own life… 2nd its hard to accept that your partner CAN be happy without you because thats the opposite of what you are feeling… i am feeling rather… i feel that i cant be happy without him and yet i see and i feel that he is without me. that sucks isnt it. and you know whats so hard? well he can never understand no matter how many times you tell him. you stopped trying because youre starting to sound like a pirated cd. this has happened in my life before… back in high school.. the only difference is im the one who has been left behind. now i am the one who went away. its so much easier to move on when youre the one left behind because youre in youre comfort zone which is the exact opposite of when you went away. being away leaves you nothing except with what you carried with you and thats a lot of emotional baggage…

thats my lola sally… and my lolo willy… look at the moon… thats where i got my face! of all the genes to inherit why couldnt i have been a mestiza with rosy cheeks? tall? or even have straight her like my lola? Tell me… i am the exact opposite! morena, petite, and curly hair… i miss my lolo.

my first proposal! i was shooing him away because he was being a pest.. then he tugged on my hand and i say what? he said… I WANT TO MARRY YOu… isnt that cute? His name is brandon. He is filipino irish american and he is the cousin of my cousin i love this kid!